


Inevitability

by AriesDraco



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: Gen, I was watching too many interviews, In the Shower, Josh Brolin's mancrush on Ryan Reynolds, M/M, Peeping, Too much staring, accidental(?) Voyuerism, face-sitting actually, hopefully funny, mentions teabagging, mildly slashy, the unicorn singing, was a fountain of prompts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 17:30:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14753232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AriesDraco/pseuds/AriesDraco
Summary: Hopefully a bunch of little ficlets inspired by various interviews involving mostly Brolin. I just needed to exorcise it. It's heading in the general direction of Cablepool.





	1. Teabags

“Hey, can I sit on your face?”

“Yes.”

If this had been one of those old timey cartoons, his jaw would be on the floor and his eyes would have bugged right out of his head, but he had to settle for an incoherent gurgle of aroused confusion. Or it may have been confused arousal, but the difference was marginal at best and could also depend on the quality of the speakers.

“Why wouldn’t I want my teeth near the softest bits of a man’s body?”

“Aaaaaaaaand my balls have retracted so deep into my body that I can feel them in my throat. I am not even kidding, I am practically a Ken doll right now.”

“Well, then, you have nothing to worry about.”

The thing about Cable was that he couldn’t tell if the future man was being serious, or if he was just playing along. The very fact that he would play along with Wade’s jokes just about blew his mind when he first realised it was happening, but it happened, and he was incredulous, then happy, then creeped out because holy shit when did Mr Grimdark have a sense of humour?

“Let’s take a raincheck on that one,” he replied finally, deciding to err on the side of caution, just in case Cable was joking. Or worse, if he wasn’t. The idea of being used as a replacement dead wife… or undead wife… wait no, that just made her sound like a zombie and oh god he was picturing it now, make it stop!

“Any time,” replied Cable with a perfectly straight face and wayyyyyyy too much eye contact, the corner of his lips twitching up briefly in amusement.

Oh. Well. Just shiptease then. Nothing to worry about after all.


	2. Masked Singer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't stop talking, said no one ever to Wade Wilson bar one.

Traffic was a thing that never seemed to happen in superhero movies and yet here they were, stuck in traffic for the better part of an hour, and the only thing stopping him from getting out of the cab and stabbing things until traffic was moving again was the fact that Domino’s noise cancelling headphones were just barely bad enough that she could still catching a few words of his singing and throw him dirty looks.

Dopinder didn’t seem to mind too much that he had been singing for about as long as they had been stuck in traffic, and Cable… well. Honestly, he was a bit surprised that the man hadn’t throttled him yet, considering his poor taste in music.

Cable had just been sitting quietly still in the back of the cab, eyes half-shut, like a charging killer robot. That bastard. Could he have been sleeping all along? Did he need to be charged? Was 110V AC enough or did he need an adaptor? Where would he even keep an adaptor? How much of him was robot anyway? If he had a wife and a kid, at least his bits were probably still organic. Why was he thinking about Cable’s bits? Did he or did he not say that last one out loud?

“What last one?” asked Dopinder.

Safe.

Cable blinked, and gosh, was that a tear or was that just killer robot lubricant? “Why did you stop?”

What. “What?”

“Singing.”

“I swear to god if you say my singing reminds you of your wife, I am going to leave this cab and walk.”

“Say it!” interjected Domino brightly, removing her headphones and shaking out her hair.

Cable shook his head. “For all her strengths, my wife is a terrible singer. You were actually good.”

Wade felt touched. Inappropriately touched. “Your taste in music sucks.”

The rest of the cab ride was just Domino quietly celebrating that her headphone batteries had died just in time for the relative silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was this funny clip of Ryan Reynolds dressed as a unicorn singing Tomorrow on a Korean game(?)show and Brolin saw it and ended up literally floored and crying.


	3. Eyes on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever feel like someone's always watching?

The last straw was when he was in the middle of a passionate rendition of Celine Dion’s Ashes in the shower and Cable simply turned up, causing him to shriek like a little girl and fling a rubber duck at his head.

“What in the balls?! Do locked doors mean nothing to you?”

Cable did that little squint and frown thing he did when Wade was being particularly confusing before pointing out, “…your bathroom door was open.”

“… fine, I grant you that! And yea, I guess the bedroom door isn’t locked anyway. And Blind Al is supposed to let you into the house when you turn up…”

“Why are you showering with your mask on?”

“Because it traps the steam, and that’s really good for the skin, what the fuck are you doing in my bathroom while I’m showering anyway? Way to live up to the old white pervert stereotype, Weinstein.”

“I’m not a pervert.”

“Then why do you keep STARING AT ME?”

You know the feeling you get when someone’s staring at you? That hairs on the back of your neck standing up feeling? And you know they’re staring at you because whenever you look over, you make awkward eye contact? He had been feeling that a lot lately. On a mission, in the cab, over food, he’d be rambling and then he would catch Cable just staring at him and he’d choke on his words. Even the others had noticed. Just the other day, Negasonic-longest-fucking-name-ever even taught Cable how to fistbump to congratulate him on shutting Wade up for more than five minutes at a go.

He was expecting denial, he was expecting undead wife jokes, he was expecting, oh, he didn’t know really, some kind of explanation maybe? Whatever it was he was expecting, it wasn’t for Cable to smirk ever so slightly before closing the bathroom door between them.

What even did that mean?!

“It means learn to lock your doors, idiot,” was the reply from the other side of the door.

Wade could just about scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a joke in the same interview as the previous ficlet about watching him everywhere, even in the shower. I am slain, slain by all the tease.

**Author's Note:**

> I watched too many interviews with Josh Brolin gushing about Ryan Reynolds, and my general reaction has been *incomprehensible screaming*, so, here I am trying to exorcise my feelings. This one was inspired by the one interview where they were talking about the teabagging scene and (joking) about how many takes it took all throughout the filming period to get it just right.


End file.
